You absolutely...! British instill some sense of pride in creative ways of words | Lucy Mangan

on Monday

Yougov might think that YouGov would otherwise be occupied because Byelection season is approaching and he released the results of a poll that revealed the offensive with the least sworn in in the UK. I won't go into details in the family newspaper. It can be said that the one you expected yes In the first position, the "butt" is - ahem - lift the rear.

But all these rough terms! And it is unnecessary. I remembered a post I once saw on social media, a devout American who spent some time here and was deeply obsessed with and awe of the British's ability to express anger, frustration, disappointment and other emotions in the negative negative emotions of the life spectrum, and was "you as absolute" and "emphasis" (Heavily plasmive and a (Heavily Plassive) Common noun”. For example, “You absolutely Nana” It was the first time he heard it. Wombatanother. But his favorite has never improved over the years, and is "You absolutely suitcase”.

I am so obscure and proud of us.

Tuesday

Good news. So far, a new male birth control pill has been shown in the trial to be effective for two years. We salute you on the experimental topic!

The birth control pill includes a hydrogel that (according to its manufacturer's website, "by quick injection") is provided to VAS deferens to prevent all small swimmers who intend to find a female and gamete. The sperm recovered from temporary blockage behind, withering and dying. Over the years, the hydrogel has been dispersed and absorbed and regained fertility.

I did some very complex sum and statistical analysis of the back of the envelope and figured out the only problem is that at any given time there are about three people who are there when they say, "Don't worry, baby, baby, I've blocked M'Vas deferens. Maybe every injection can be recorded with a time and date videos that can be presented to potential companions, maybe in place of flowers or ironing shirts. The new world may come to us.

'Guys! Guys? You do know that scooters and regular helmets will basically take you anywhere, right? Photo: Guy Bell/Alamy Live News

Wednesday

At the moment, this is a very interesting day for me because it is the day my editor sends me the weekly sales numbers for new books (Letter: How Reading Shapes Our Life If You Want to Improve Things for Me). Obviously, it's painful, but I have to be told. I must know.

Apart from this masochist coercion, I already know that I already know because I have lived for many years, and this is a new, equally unnecessary self-knowledge. I would think it's a bad number. I feel like I failed. I didn't sell...I don't know - more books? Or all the books? I had to sit in my hands until the urge to send emails to everyone involved in its production and apologize for not doing better. I was told that everyone was happy with the sales figures. I rush in the corner, hissing and spitting, spitting at these blatant lies and liars, and trying to control the suffocating fire of self-hate spreading from my stomach throughout the system.

No answer. No one will comfort me. This is actually a "me" problem and I haven't found a solution to my personality yet.

Thursday

The IKEA store in Oxford Circus opened its doors. Photo: Henry Nichols/AFP/Getty

Of course, as an elegant layman, I won't tell you my age. But I want to tell you how old I am. I'm already big enough and I'm glad the new IKEA store opened on Oxford Street today and is all about to join the queue, once the door opens wide at 10am.

IKEA is a great place. This is restored. It is the balm of the soul. You laughed, because you only know it was a hell landscape made of marriage boating and seductive. No. IKEA is a shelter - as long as you go there alone. You can then gaze peacefully at the perfect solution for each storage requirement. You can then marvel at the clean lines, all the following forms of features, a ruthless, conceited spirit, living in every well-designed, affordable item, and imagine a world where everything is like this until it's time to enjoy meatballs and apple pie for your lonely lunch, spinning in an unwelcome dream.

Friday

I said, “It says here,” she re-catched Cartford as I shook the paper to read to my 82-year-old mother, “Parents yelled can change the brain of their children.”

"Well, of course," she said. "That's the point."

“I think they mean – in a bad way.”

"How can there be a bad way? Children are idiots. They need a persuasion."

"But you can't help but shout out the kid?"

"No."

"No?"

"Well, you can take too long," she said.

"What if you're making your child feel scared by yelling? Maybe in some deep, intrinsic way it's over-vigilant and anxious to think the rest of your life?"

"Did it pick up the clothes from the floor and hang them in the closet the right way during this time?" she asked.

"Yes. Forced."

"What's the problem?" she asked.

"No problem," I replied. "no problem."