Deir al-Balah, Gaza and Beirut, Lebanon – In the Gaza Strip, many Palestinians are celebrating, hoping that 15 months of devastating war is finally over.

Israel and Hamas have agreed to a proposed ceasefire that would involve a prisoner and prisoner exchange and the return of Palestinians to their homes across Gaza, according to Qatar and the United States. Israel says there are still some problems, while Hamas declares acceptance.

In Gaza, joy is mixed with sadness for Palestinians, who have experienced the deaths of many loved ones in Israel's war, which human rights groups and United Nations experts have called a "genocide."

Several Palestinians told Al Jazeera that they planned to return to their towns and villages at the first opportunity after being displaced by Israeli attacks and so-called "evacuation orders."

"As soon as there is a ceasefire, I will go back and kiss my land in Beit Hanoon in northern Gaza," said Umm Mohamed, 66, who was killed when an Israeli bomb fell on her home Lost two of 10 children in December 2023.

"What I realized during this war is that your home, your country and your children are all you have," she told Al Jazeera.

Israel's war on Gaza has killed more than 46,500 Palestinians and injured more than 100,000. The attack began with a Hamas-led attack on southern Israel on October 7, 2023, which left 1,139 people dead and about 250 captured.

During Israel's offensive in Gaza, it systematically bombed schools, hospitals and displacement camps, destroying nearly all life-sustaining basic services and buildings, U.N. experts and human rights groups said.

In September 2024, the United Nations Satellite Center found that 66% of the buildings in the Gaza Strip had been damaged or destroyed due to Israeli attacks.

Israel also tightened its existing siege on Gaza at the start of the war, leading to mass starvation and a breakdown in public order.

Now, as the ordeal appears to be coming to an end, Palestinians are grappling with what they have lost in the war - and everyone.

"I have mixed emotions... but I pray to God that we can return to normal life without feeling unsafe," said doctor Mohamed Abu Rai, 47, in Deir al-Balah said in the office.

memory and sadness

Palestinians recalled loved ones lost to Israeli attacks ahead of what is now expected to be a ceasefire.

Lubna Rayyes, principal of the International American Elementary School in Gaza City, said she lost a colleague, Bilal Abu Saaman, who was rescuing people from the rubble when he was bombed.

Reyes said she often called Abu Saman's widow to check on his young children.

"He was a great and very kind teacher. When he died, it really affected me and it still hurts," Reyes told Al Jazeera by phone from Cairo, Egypt, where she has been living with her husband since last year. Three children live there.

"Bilal is truly one of the nicest people in the world," she added.

Reyes also spoke about her home, which was set on fire by Israeli soldiers and burned to ashes.

"There's nothing left in the house," she sighed. "There are no more family photos, or memories of any kind (that we retrieve). It's all gone."

Abu Rai also lost his house, but like Reyes, he said the memory of his late colleague and friend brought him the greatest sadness.

He believes the true number of casualties far exceeds the official figures, and he still doesn't quite understand how he survived the past 15 months.

“Surviving in Gaza was always a matter of luck,” he said.

Stay or go?

While many Palestinians look forward to returning and rebuilding their communities, others cannot imagine remaining in the besieged enclave.

Mahmoud Saada, 52, said he did not believe there could be a lasting solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict despite the expected ceasefire.

He said he would leave Gaza with his young children once the crossing to Egypt opens.

"I swear to God I will not return to Gaza. I am too tired, enough is enough," he said in Deir al-Balah, where he and his family slept in a small, crowded tent.

"I want to leave Gaza and go somewhere else," he told Al Jazeera.

Abu Lai also said that now that everything has been completely destroyed, he cannot imagine staying in Gaza.

He believes that most survivors are deeply traumatized and simply cannot imagine rebuilding their communities and lives again, especially since Gaza is already struggling to recover from multiple previous wars with Israel.

For now, he suspects many people are trying to find a way out, at least for now.

"There has been so much destruction and we are starting from scratch again. Always rebuilding our communities steals a lot of time from our lives. Every day we lose is irretrievable," he told Al Jazeera.

However, Abu Rai, Reyes and Umm Mohammed all agreed that Palestinians would miss Gaza if they left, making it difficult for many to leave.

In the end, they believe that most people would stay or return to Gaza if they could.

"We have to go back eventually, you know?" Reyes told Al Jazeera.

“There really is no place like home.”