Before wildfires swept through the Los Angeles County community of Altadena, there were 12 homes on Winlock Avenue.

Today, half of it remains, including Debbie Slavin’s home. She said the first six houses on her block were gone.

“Then my house stood there,” she said. "You just have to ask yourself, why?"

Slavin said she's certainly grateful, but she also feels sadness and guilt for many of the tens of thousands of people who have been displaced — friends, neighbors and strangers.

"I feel very, very, very sad about the loss that everyone is going through and what they have to go through," she said. "It's just heartbreaking."

Fires that broke out last week in the Los Angeles area had destroyed more than 12,000 structures as of Wednesday, according to the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection. Fires fueled by dry conditions and strong winds have upended communities, reducing home after home to rubble and leaving residents grappling with what comes next — whether and how to rebuild.

Slavin and her Wenlock neighbors form a tight-knit community: When one of them goes on vacation, they keep an eye on each other's properties, hold potluck parties on their block and watch the fireworks, which she said provides them with The "golden seat". The nearby Altadena Town and Country Club hosts its annual Fourth of July fireworks show.

Slavin said that in conversations with neighbors who lost their homes last week, she kept her focus on them, avoiding talking about the smoke damage she would eventually have to deal with or the guilt she felt for running away. greater loss.

"I'm very, very sad that they lost their home," Slavin said. "I'm not thinking about my home. It's more about them and how it affects them."

But privately, she said, she has relied on her faith to try to understand why her home was not destroyed.

A pastor at her church called it "random grace," she said, noting that the fire destroyed the homes of others like her who "prayed for their homes" and the area.

She said the fence outside Slavin's 1961 mid-century home caught fire, causing pipes to burst and water to splash onto the house. She believes this stopped the flames from spreading further. The interior of the house needs some smoke repair, but is otherwise fine. Slavin, who is currently staying with a friend about 20 miles away, said she plans to return with her dogs Skylar and Snickers once it is safe.

Jennifer Gray Thompson, founder and CEO of After the Fire, a nonprofit dedicated to helping communities recover from massive wildfires, said people like Slavin are vulnerable in tragedies like the fires. Fleeing what might be considered the worst outcomes, often grappling with "very real circumstances." and a very profound sense of survivor’s guilt.

"People who have lost their homes but not their lives feel guilty complaining about their homes because they know others have lost their lives," she said. "Then people who haven't lost their homes or family feel guilty for speaking out about their trauma because they think, 'I have a home to go to, so why am I so traumatized? So I won't Deal with this problem."

Enrique Balcazar had to deal with these emotions when he returned to his devastated community of Altadena after being evacuated from the devastating Eaton Fire.

"Everything is on the ground, all the houses are burned," he told Telemundo. His house under construction is the only one still standing on the block.

He thought, "I don't deserve this," he said. “I don’t feel like I deserve anything more than my neighbor.”

The fire has killed at least 27 people and is one of the most destructive fires in California history. The Federal Emergency Management Agency said Wednesday that more than 49,000 people have registered for federal assistance.

Kip Katz said he still can't understand why his Altadena home with Kuma, his Akita dog, escaped unscathed. He lived in this 1954 Rambler for 25 years.

"It doesn't look real," he said.

He believes the Altadena golf course serves as a fire escape for the homes below it, like his, as well as those immediately to the west.

"It's not because the golf course was overwatered or anything like that," said Katz, 55, who lives with his girlfriend in Pasadena, about a mile and a half from his home. "It's just that it's a big open space that fire can't cross."

Most of the buildings north of the golf course are gone, he said.

Katz was walking in the neighborhood Sunday and said he couldn't process what he saw.

"It looks like a movie set because some of the houses are still standing and then other neighborhoods are completely gone," he said. His local hardware store, pet store and grocery store were among the buildings destroyed.

Although he was able to move back as soon as it was safe, he can easily name all the ways his neighborhood may never be the same.

"You start thinking about all the ramifications it's had. Where are these kids going? All the seniors who are losing their assisted living facilities and nursing facilities are gone. So where are those people going?" he asked. "And then all the people in between have to take care of these groups, and it's just mind-boggling."

Katz, an East Coast native, said he was drawn to Altadena's rich culture.

"Altadena is also a really eclectic, unique community, ranging from really poor, lower-class neighborhoods to just a mile or two east and you see billionaires," he said. "It's a small town, but there's a mix of culture and everything else, and it's very unique to have all that in a very small community."

Now he wonders if it's possible to once again have a vibrant community surround his spared home.

"I don't know how we're going to rebuild. I don't know how people are going to deal with this," he said. “I don’t know how we’re going to be able to be a community again.”