Life is full of major decisions. Should you move around the country? Carry out business? Do you have children? break up?

If you are not sure what to do Nell Wulfhart There are some counterintuitive suggestions. Don't continue to deliberate. In fact, spend less time thinking about it.

During his more than a decade as a decision coach, Wulfhart made tough choices for more than 600 people from CEO to artist. She said almost all clients can find clarity within an hour of collaboration.

In her experience, she said, “Most people take too long to make decisions. They are scaled down in their analysis.”

Wolfhart said this was partly due to fear of regret. "Everyone is trying to avoid this uncomfortable feeling." But part of letting go is to accept some regrets is inevitable.

If you are struggling with hesitation, Wulfhart provides exercises and advice to help you make faster choices with greater confidence. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

How do you make good decisions quickly?

I give each client two exercises.

First, list your values. It’s not moral or corporate values, but something that makes your life good every day. Mine includes: Never set an alarm and be able to wear sweatpants all the time in warm weather. Place them in order of importance.

Then, when you make a decision, visit the list to see which of your options check more boxes on that list of values.

The second exercise is to outline your ideal life in one year, five and 10 years. Once you have written down what your life you want, take the choice you decide to see if you can go from that option to the life you want.

Can you share examples of these exercises in practice?

I have a job opportunity for clients that can be better paid and more prestige. On the surface, it seems like a simple decision: get the job done.

But five years later, she wanted to have her own thriving business, which was such a successful business that she could spend time with her kids.

We think she should stay in her current job, save money and start working hard to build her business so she can actually have what she wants within five years.

Can you talk about the role of regret when making a decision?

Decision-making business is actually just a regrettable minimization business. And, because my biggest thing is to make decisions faster, we just need to accept that, occasionally, we regret our choices.

We can eliminate a lot of regrets by faster speed. More people regret it than making decisions too quickly.

If you spend a year trying to figure out if you should go to graduate school or three years to decide if you should be engaged, I find people regretting that they have lost much more time than they make occasionally.

Other ways we can minimize decision regret?

Those who can regret it are able to say, “I got the best decision at the time and this result – I don’t know.”

At the time, we were trying our best to guess and use the information we had. Sometimes, that matter won't be resolved. It turns out that your new boss is a micromanager, or your new apartment has a mouse.

These things are impossible to know when you make a decision. The result is mainly out of our control. The decision is entirely within our control.

You also talk about testing things.

The way we make good decisions is not to sit at home and wonder if we will like something. This is something to try. Then we have actual, tangible data that tells us whether we like something.

I once mentored someone who was considering becoming a social worker. I told them, before you committed tens of thousands of dollars and two years of life, why not spend a few days covering up a social worker person?

You say asking too many people about their advice can actually make making choices more difficult. why is that?

When someone comes to me, sometimes they have talked to 10 or 20 different people. It really messed up the waters. They didn't help you make your decision.

When making a big decision, talk to three to five people and that’s all. Think about your past history with everyone and ask yourself: Will this person support me and provide good advice?

If you know you are talking to someone who is different from your values, who don’t respect your lifestyle, or always have negative statements about your choices, don’t talk to them. Make a decision and then tell them what you decide you want to do.

Why do some people think that the decisions they know may be harmful to them, but feel that they should stick with it?

People have been thinking about the cost of sinking: the time they invest, the money they invest, the years they have built relationships. They have little time to think about opportunity costs. They may stay where they want, and may miss job opportunities or relationship opportunities.

Even if you just want to understand what you actually want, it usually makes more sense. But people are very attached to the cost of sunk. It's hard to convince them to abandon those people.

This story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We would love to hear from you. Please call us at 202-216-9823 to provide us with voicemail, or email us at lifekit@npr.org.

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