A parent’s job is not to protect their children from life’s challenges, but to guide them through them—providing support and tools to help them thrive during difficult times.

As a child life specialist and therapist, I have worked with thousands of children and families facing illness, trauma, grief, and loss. The words and behaviors I observed indicated that the child was learning to cope effectively with life's inevitable difficulties.

This is not about staying calm or avoiding tears. It’s about using strategies and skills to manage, tolerate and reduce stress when it arises. This is why children who handle things well tend to have high emotional intelligence. They are good at identifying their feelings and using positive strategies to manage their emotions.

Listen for these six things your emotionally intelligent child might say:

Children with high emotional intelligence may have trusted adults who tell them that it's okay to cry and that all feelings are okay.

They know that it is natural to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or worried when faced with difficult situations. By the same token, they know that even in difficult times it is possible to have moments of joy, joy, or fun.

Children with healthy coping skills are able to identify and manage their emotions. They know the warning signs—fast thinking, a racing heart, tense muscles, or a knot in their stomach—and feel safe asking for what they need.

They may head to a “coping corner” to give themselves time and space to use pre-planned tools. For example, they might pick up a pinwheel or blow bubbles to help them breathe deeply.

They likely learn these skills by observing their parents' modeling of self-regulation and open communication.

Children with high emotional intelligence can also recognize the emotions of others. They understand that both adults and children have great feelings during difficult times, and that everyone copes differently.

They may be the first to recognize that when their friend is upset, they may need space or a hug, both of which are okay.

Empathy for others comes naturally to them, and they show ease and ease in listening to others' perspectives, respecting their needs, and working together.

They understand that even if their parents are emotional, they can still receive love, care, and safety.

Children who regularly set boundaries for how they want to be treated tend to have higher emotional intelligence. they can communicate effectively their needs, desires and feelings while remaining sensitive to others.

They might say, "I don't like it when you use my stuff without asking," or "I don't like not knowing what to expect." Or you might hear other statements that begin with:

• "I don't feel comfortable with it..."
• "I don't want to talk about..."
• "I don't think this is good/interesting..."

They also consider respecting the needs of peers and siblings.

This sentence shows that children are capable of self-reflection and have no shame. Instead of being afraid of making or admitting mistakes, they are able to talk about their mistakes and solve problems to improve the situation or environment.

They also recognize that they can do better or be different because they know that mistakes are how we grow, learn, and develop through challenges.

Confidence and creativity in problem solving are hallmarks of emotional intelligence and healthy coping. Children who are experiencing difficulties have learned to work with peers and trusted adults to find reasonable solutions or ways forward.

They express their opinions, ideas, and qualities confidently while also listening and learning from others.

As children work through obstacles and consequences in a safe environment, they develop decision-making skills and flexibility while developing emotional awareness and self-esteem.

Don't worry if your child doesn't say these words yet. Emotional intelligence and coping skills take time to develop and often start with parenting.

Just start by saying these things to yourself. Children learn best from content modeled for them.

Kelsey Mora is a certified child life specialist and licensed clinical professional counselor who provides customized support, guidance and resources to parents, families and communities affected by medical conditions, trauma, grief and the stresses of daily life. She is a private practice owner, mother of two, and Method workbookand chief clinical officer for a nonprofit Kimchi Group.

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