When you get married, you want your spouse to be faithful. But sometimes, a different type of infidelity (financial) can raise its ugly head.
That's what happened to Cathy from Dallas, Texas, who recently called up the Ramsey Show for urgent financial advice.
Cathy revealed to co-hosts Ken Coleman and Jade Warshaw that she suspected her ex-husband had nearly $1 million in debt behind her - she was worried she would encounter half of the debt.
Cathy filed for divorce in late April after learning of her husband's ongoing infidelity - but after 27 years of marriage, she tried to escape as unscathed as possible.
This is what Coleman and Vosho said.
Money can be a huge driver of marriage conflicts – especially when a spouse keeps it secret.
A survey by the National Financial Education Endowment Foundation at the end of 2021 found that 43% of the relationships had financial infidelity committed financial infidelity.
For 39% of people, this means hiding purchases or bank statements from their partners. For 19% of people, this means hiding cash. For 16% of people, financial infidelity ultimately leads to divorce.
Meanwhile, Cathy blames her situation for allowing her husband to handle family finances for years while being a full-time mom of four. However, when she did some digging, she learned that her current EX has kept many financial secrets.
On the one hand, he did not pay income tax for three years, which was about $160,000 in debt. Since their taxes were filed together, Cathy thought she would assume half the responsibility.
The husband also owes $80,000 in credit card debt that Cathy didn't know (and probably more). In addition, the $550,000 mortgage she signed with Cathy’s husband’s office building.
Most importantly, in 2019, Cathy’s husband borrowed $500,000 from Cathy after receiving the estate, and she was cashing out her debt. He claims he is spending his money on his business.
But Cathy didn't record how the money was used, Coleman and Voshao told her to assume it was the money she would never come back. “I think I’m an idiot,” Cathy said as he described the situation.
Warshaw and Coleman said they think Cathy will be responsible for 50% of certain debts her name bears. However, it is not clear how much she actually owes or whether there are other outstanding debts as her ex is not in the message.
But, due to the IRS's innocent spouse relief program, Cathy may not be liable for her spouse's tax debts if she is not aware of these mistakes - she may also be out of there if the $80,000 credit card debt is not in her name.
So, Coleman believes Cathy owes at least $250,000 in debt - presumably half of her mortgage on her spouse's office building.
Thankfully, Cathy and her spouse own a paid home worth about $2 million. Therefore, there are some assets that can be used to pay off debts.
But Woshaw had to gently warn Cathy to get the situation to this point.
"It can't be, 'He handles, I handles this.' "You also have to have your own role in it. ”
Read more: You may have paid too much for this 1 "must" fee - your monthly bill may be raised due to Trump's tariffs. Here's how to protect your wallet now in 2 minutes
"This is not the end of the world," Coleman said in describing Cathy's situation.
In addition to being able to take advantage of existing assets (her paid home), Cathy also got an appeal attorney job and is expected to earn $130,000 this year. Coleman and Voshaw expect she will get better between her salary and the proceeds of splitting the sale of the home.
Warshaw assured Cathy: "It sounds like there will be enough assets to clear the debt, but there is still a lot of money."
"You'll be fine in the long run," Coleman said.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, this may be a reasonable first step once you put all your debts and assets behind inventory.
Coleman and Warshaw also reiterate the lessons they hope Cathy learns from this experience. In her next relationship, she needs to put everything on top of the board and have a conversation through all the financial decisions, Woshaw insists: "And you have questions about any of the questions and you'll say it out loud. You have something to bring to the table, he has something to bring to the table.
Fortunately, Cathy never ends with her sitting in the back without keeping her side to her finances.
This means being familiar with the five pillars of financial literacy, participating in any financial plan, budget, contributing to emergency funds, and retirement plans, etc.
In the 2024 Fidelity survey, more than 25% of partners are not troubled by financial decision-making. So when it comes to financial decisions, please speak out and set up guardrails for your expectations of your partner as early as possible.
Being an equal partner in everything financially related can help avoid situations like Cathy and more broadly avoid marriage conflicts.
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is without any warranty of any kind.