Did she scream? Is it big enough? Was her clothes tear enough to prove that she was fighting?

These are some of the problems faced by 17-year-old Lanah Sawyer in the first rape trial in the United States in 1793, which ended with the acquittal of affluent "rake" who beat the teenager.

With the end of the sex trafficking in Week 4 and the extortion trial of Sean “Didi” combs, it’s increasingly frustrating that the more things change, the more they stay, especially in how we treat survivors of sexual violence. Despite the #MeToo movement for nearly a decade, women testifying against combs have been as many as he has tried, and Sawyer was the same 232 years ago.

Why don't they leave? Why do they text Didi’s friendly notes? Isn’t this just cashing out?

Again, women are asked not only to explain What It happened to them, but Why They responded in their own way. This is our collective ongoing need to police and censor women’s response to trauma while firmly refusing to learn anything about trauma.

For many, there is a correct way to respond to sexual violence - cry, beg, plead, run, fight, shout, report to the police immediately. If a woman does not meet the response approved by these narrow males, then they must be lying or willing.

For example, Bill Maher has recently been upset with Cassie Ventura, a woman at Didi's accusation center.

In a self-assured monologue, Maher thinks he can understand why women in the past hesitate to file accusations of abuse, but may think: “If I can’t get justice for my own pain, I can at least receive a receipt, a coupon?”

Therefore, the real obstacle to women continuing to face greed in the legal system is why women sometimes seek civil penalties rather than criminal penalties; therefore, unwisely throwing “coupons” there is a trivial nod to the victim’s poverty and opportunism stereotypes.

Sadly, Maher is far from the only one attacking Ventura. President Trump is considered civil liability for sexual assault on E. Jean Carroll, and if he is convicted, he will do his best to hold a pardon opportunity.

Mach continued, “things have changed enough” and women should be expected to report any abuse or attack immediately.

He gave a speech, “(d) Don’t tell me the account of the contemporaries you told two friends 10 years ago, tell the police immediately.” “Don’t wait ten years. Don’t record it. Don’t turn it into a woman’s performance, and most importantly, don’t keep F-him.”

Ami Carpenter, an assistant professor at the Joan B. Kroc School of Peace Studies at the University of San Diego and an expert in trafficking, told me she disagreed with Maher's consent and said softly.

“We tend to see victims as deserved or unworthy of care and compassion,” she told me. This depends largely on the way they show it.

In the case of Ventura, perhaps there were some other women who testified against combs, and the alleged abuse continued for years. She and others may have trauma with Diddy, whether through sexual trafficking or intimate partner abuse, as are many survivors of long-term sexual violence.

Although the panic of Maga immigration sells us the image of traffickers being Latino cartel members sneaking into the borders of boys and boys, the reality is that most victims are in the United States and knowing - at one point maybe even believe - their traffickers. This is a friend, mentor, a guy who provides protection from an otherwise difficult life. People like combs have the promise of strength, money and a better life.

Only after the relationship was established, traffickers began, and abusers were riding on their bikes “between the abuse and the manifestations of emotional or remorse”, often making the victim a confusing, paralyzing emotional mix that included “sympathy, sympathy, sympathy, and even love for the abuser.” Because that's what the abuser wants.

In a 2016 study, Carpenter spoke with 65 sex traffickers in the San Diego area to discuss how they control their victims.

"They all know about one person how to make this psychological connection with the victim," she said. "In fact, they look down at the trafficker or the pimp, and in their words they have to resort to violence because they don't know the power of their words. For them, it's all manipulation, a mental manipulation. And, if I extrapolate from it, I look at Diddy's behavior, I think that can point to what he is doing, keenly aware of what he is doing."

Dr. Stephanie Richard, a law professor at Loyola Law School and director of the Sunita Ja's anti-trafficking policy initiative, told me that although fighting or flying is the way most people think of resisting abuse or violence, it is also a common traumatic reaction in ways that are subject to long-term abuse, which often relies on long-term abuse, and these reactions often depend on survival.

“Many victims realize that if they were persuasive, they wouldn’t be hurt,” Richard said. “So, this reaction is someone trying to make them safe because we are all humans and you can’t live such a horrible thing without doing something that protects yourself.”

It's like agreeing to the abuser, or even sending them approved text. Along with Ventura, at least three women testified or hoped for the comb. Although MIA has been eliminated, the two "Mia" and "Jane" attempt to remain anonymous. Third, Bryana Bongolan, a friend of Ventura's, testified that the comb once tied her to a balcony railing to worry about her life and then threw her on nearby terrace furniture.

During her cross-examination by comb lawyers, Mia baked for hours to find out her friendly text, combing her hair, and whether the abuse actually happened. Defense attorneys tried to smear the testimony that the comb had slammed her arm and asked if she was screaming. Does it sound familiar?

Finally, Mia explains her behavior in seven words, and any survivor will understand: “I am safe when he is happy,” she testified.

This is indeed what all women attribute to: a sense of security.

Whether in court, online, in the media or in ordinary society, until women are sure they are safe in the abuser and the rest of us when they are sure they are talking - they are trapped in explanation how They survived, not just What They survived.

They aren't doing this enough, and have they found the courage to try to stop others from causing the same pain?