(This story contains spoilers from You season five, including the series finale, “Finale.”)

Charlotte Ritchie not only got to unlock a new version of herself in the fifth and final season of You but also a new version of her character Kate Lockwood.

The 35-year-old English actress, also known for her roles on Fresh Meat, Call the Midwife and Ghosts, learns something new from each project she takes on after inadvertently manifesting her career when she was younger. “In the past, I’ve been very coy. I never wanted to say I wanted to be an actress,” she explains to The Hollywood Reporter. “But then I found a diary from when I was about 10 that literally says all over the front cover, ‘I want to be an actress.’ So I obviously did, and I’ve just decided to curate this version of myself that’s so much more humble.”

As for Ritchie’s character Kate, one of Joe Goldberg’s (Penn Badgley) love interests in You seasons four and five, humble would probably not be the best way to describe her. In the fifth and final season of the hit Netflix series, Kate, now the CEO of her father’s company, goes from agreeing to let Joe kill her uncle to leading an effort to take down the charismatic killer — a power switch-up that Ritchie enjoyed playing into.

“I stopped judging her a bit in the space between the two (seasons),” she says. “I started liking her more and I feel like there was an opportunity in this (season) to see a different side of her, and that felt really satisfying because we only got to see her crack kind of at the end of (season) four and she’s still so serious. So it’s really satisfying to open her up and and and let that happen.”

Below, Ritchie opens up about that epic final season of You and the scene she’s most proud of, showing a new side of Kate, overcoming her biggest challenges and her dream project.

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How did this final season of You feel different than season four, your first season with the show?

It felt so different in so many ways. I was away from home, and something changes about not having your routine or your comforts of the people you usually have around you. I had a couple of lovely friends here in New York, but broadly it was like starting afresh and having time to kind of really focus on the work in a way that sometimes is harder when you have your life going on. There’s also something about the spirit of New York; the energy of the city, the go-getting, inspiring nature, the way the crew work — I found that really refreshing and lovely.

I also got to know Kate and I think I stopped judging her a bit in the space between the two (seasons). I started liking her more and I feel like there was an opportunity in this (season) to see a different side of her, and that felt really satisfying because we only got to see her crack kind of at the end of (season) four and she’s still so serious. So it’s really satisfying to open her up and and and let that happen. 

Kate shows just how much of a boss she is this season, willing to risk her life to take down Joe (Penn Badgley). What was it like playing into that power?

She lets in a lot more emotions this (season). She lets them happen to her more, she lets herself feel more, which is really fun to play. There’s one scene where she takes Joe to task. He’s been caught on camera doing this stuff and she’s just at her end. There’s a line where she says, “Were you always this obvious?” And there’s this kind of depth of realization and this total abandon of any feeling for him. While I was doing it, I felt this infuriation at this character who was consistently revered and loved. He constantly gets away with the worst stuff and I suddenly felt so angry.

I know he’s not real, but on behalf of anybody that comes into contact with these people who manage to manipulate their way through. So Kate gets to express a lot of that anger and outrage. But unlike so many people, she has the protection of her money and her power, and she’s so lucky that she has that structure around her. There’s a force that she can go at him with, there’s no risk. 

What was going through your head when you first read in the script that Kate would have a lapse in judgment at the beginning of the season, teaming up with Joe to kill her uncle?

We watched the episode with a lot of the fans, and there’s a real enjoyment for them at seeing them both slide into this pattern again. There is a kind of enjoyment of all the transgression that is obviously a big part of what the show is. But I feel like it’s so disappointing for Kate. I think it’s important that we see she has that in her, that she has that instinct, as well as Joe. Hers is a bit more distant, more bureaucratic. She gets other people to do her dirty work, which in its own way is very cowardly, but it means she can live with it a bit more.

I think it’s important we know she is fighting something internally. She’s not suddenly this moralistic person. She has all the instincts to do the dirty work, to get this done, to off people — because it’s convenient to put yourself first. It sets up the stakes for her moral quandary a bit more, because we know she’s not just suddenly on this positive path. She really has it in her to be bad like him. 

Were you worried that Kate was potentially going to get killed this season, and what was your reaction to learning she survives and gets to reunite with (Joe’s son) Henry (Frankie DeMaio) in the end?

I was really happy. The weeks leading up to getting episodes nine and 10, I didn’t know what her fate was going to be. There were rumors that she either lived or died, and there was a moment in makeup where I think Penn thought at one point she didn’t survive, or maybe he was referencing the fight, but he was like, “Are you sad?” I was like, “What do you mean sad? Sad about what?” He was like, “What do you mean, what do you mean?” I was like, “What are you talking about?” And he was like, “No, no, I’m just… I’m just talking, are you sad that you’ve got a late lunch?” I was like, “Oh my gosh, she dies, she dies! I can’t believe this!” And he was like, “No, I don’t know, it might not be true.”

So I was carrying this not knowing. I really wanted to know how it happened, whatever it was, I just wanted to know, but I have to say I’m so pleased. I think the way that Marcos (Siega) directed that fire scene between Joe and Kate and the writing of that is so pitch perfect. I feel like that was such a great final out for her, not quite final, but yeah. 

There was something almost calm about that final moment and dialogue between Kate and Joe in episode nine, “Trial of the Furies.”

I remember feeling a bit moved because there’s a sort of surrender for both of them to their fate. And there’s that kind of relief or calm that comes with the surrender. So there is a kind of weird peace to it. And also she gets him, and so she can just die happy, or at least be satisfied with that.

Watching the finale, what was your reaction? Did you feel satisfied that Joe got what he deserved?

I think so. It felt really important that he no longer had access to these women and that he didn’t get to swan around New York in nice suits. Rightly or wrongly, there’s a part of me that wishes he could accept what he’d done and for a moment have some inner revelation where he sees himself for how he really is, but it’s so apt that he doesn’t do that. He never has accepted responsibilities. It’s always someone else’s fault. And then he finally turns it on his fans and it’s like, “Eek.” I think that’s absolutely fitting. 

Do you have a specific season five moment or scene that you’re most proud of as an actor?

One from a practical point of view — sorry, this should be more serious of an answer — but I had a really bad stomach virus just before I did the scene with the cage with Nadia (Amy-Leigh Hickman) and Marienne (Tati Gabrielle), and when I was like dying. So on a physical level, I feel really proud of myself that I managed to get through that after about three days of basically seeing god! But it really helped inform that kind of delirium, that final moment, it’s bizarre how that happened. 

And I do love laying into Joe. The feeling of getting to list all of the things that he’s done: that he kills a woman and runs away to chase another woman, and then he kills her, like just laying out his basic nothingness and his total formulaic pathetic-ness was really fun. Then Joe gets to give it back because he doesn’t care about her anymore. There’s nothing to lose, so there’s this abandon to it. It was fun. 

Is there anything you personally take away from playing Kate?

Oh, so much. I’ve learned so much from this whole experience of doing this show from the beginning of getting the role, the fear I felt coming into it, the things I learned about myself and about working. This feels very indulgent because it’s my own personal relationship with it, but it taught me loads of great things, like you should try and not get in your own way. It sounds so hard to say things that don’t sound cliché, but wasting your time, constantly worrying about whether things are gonna be good or bad, gets in the way of just doing the job. That was a huge thing I’ve learned. And whether you’re up to the challenge or not, especially with something as big as this, is again just a waste of time because you have to do it, so stop worrying about whether you’re gonna match it or not and what that even means. Also working for a big company, it’s made up of individuals and you can kind of find those connections. Ultimately, you learn so much from the things that you find difficult, and I definitely found it challenging playing Kate. 

How have your past projects helped inform the actor you are today, and do you ever find yourself reflecting on those past roles?

I do. I think I don’t ever really consciously reflect until quite a lot later. It’s always a good six months or a year later. I can see with some distance, the changes that might have happened. But as you get older, you start to realize that every experience, positive or negative, deepens you in some ways if you let it. I feel so lucky because I’ve got to work with such great people. I think I grew up with a kind of image of actors or showbiz that it was sort of flighty and everyone was a bit self-involved, but I’ve just had the best conversations, the best scene partners, the best colleagues over the years. I’m sounding like I’m retiring (laughs). But I just love it. I’m glad that I can start to see that even when things are tricky, that’s a worthwhile thing.  

Is there a genre, project or role that you have yet to do that you would like to do in the future? 

I would love to be in some kind of sci-fi thing that was optimistic about the future. I am craving a vision of the future that is positive. Optimistic early Star Trek visions of humanity would be so nice.

What does your perfect day off look like?

It’s probably a not-too late wake up, so I feel like I’m making the morning. It’s lovely weather, it’s spring. It’s a cup of tea in bed. It’s maybe a nice breakfast with my boyfriend and then maybe see a friend for lunch, maybe play football for an hour or so, go to the pub, have a really nice time, come home, be alone and play my PlayStation for five hours (laughs).

Really, I think that’s where I’m at right now. I would love if it ended with some sort of click my fingers and I’m in a club and it’s great music and all my friends who like dancing are there. That would be really nice if it could end like that and I had the energy, but in all honesty, some of my nicest evenings recently have been just closing the curtains on a beautiful summer’s evening and playing The Last of Us for about five hours (laughs). 

What’s one of the biggest challenges you’ve been able to overcome to help get you to where you are today? 

I think it’s the way in which an anxious mind can sabotage your mental freedom. I’ve had therapy for anxiety for four years now, on and off. I spoke to this amazing acting coach last summer in New York, and I have so many friends around me who are having these revelations, realizing how powerful those negative voices are and how much it’s up to you to stop them from getting in the way. Also this amazing phrase that someone said to me: “If you can’t get out of it, get into it.” And the sense that once you’re doing something, stop fanning around and being like, “I wish it wasn’t like this.” It’s like this, so either do it or don’t do it. 

If you had to describe what makes Charlotte Ritchie, Charlotte Ritchie, what would you say?   

Oh my gosh, I honestly can’t answer that (laughs). Let’s say it’s something I’m trying to work out. We are all so many multitudes of things at any given moment that to summarize into one thing, I don’t think it’s possible. So I’m going to give myself credit that I’m more than one thing at a time. 

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Season five of You, along with all previous seasons, is currently streaming on Netflix. Read THR’s finale postmortem with co-showrunners Michael Foley and Justin W. Lo and Penn Badgley.