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wE Lives in an era Loudly conceited. Since the late 1970s, scholars have recorded a significant increase, the percentage of narcissistic personality, a trend that is particularly evident among young people. Social media enables the amplification of this feature so that we now have an entire cultural class called “influential people” dedicated to broadcasting ourselves through new technologies. This new class continues to produce new aspiring membership: According to a survey, more than half of young people today say they want to be an influential person.
A similar incentive structure is the construction of our media-oriented political system. Once politics attracted people with strong public service ethics and traditional virtues of humility and humility, and now it rewards leaders and activists (left and right) who are performing and selfish.
The increase in the loud self coincides with the decline in happiness. The rate of depression in the United States has risen to the highest recorded level. Behavioral science provides a fascinating paper that explains what we see because of the results of the “self-reflection paradox.” Scientists believe that a strong focus on the self is a characteristic of development because it gives a competitive advantage in mating and survival. But research also shows that focusing on one’s self can be the primary source of dissatisfaction and misbehavior. So what seems to be happening is that we develop culture and technology that together enhance the driving force of this primitive self-reflection - so unhealthy and unnatural that it has an ambivalent effect that destroys our lives.
This grim trend will make our society unaware, but I do know that there are some steps you can take to protect your well-being - check out and move to the Himalayan monastery. Unless this is actually what you want to do, the secret to staying happy in a loud self-cultivation is to adopt the opposite strategy for yourself: Cultivate a I'm very quiet.
askI Not the term I invented; two psychologists introduced it in 2008. In later research, they defined it as “a self-identity that is neither excessively self-focused nor excessively other-focused—'an identity that incorporates others without losing the self.'” They measured quiet ego with a survey that asked responses to say whether they agreed with statements such as “Before criticalizing somebody, I try to imagine how I would feel if I were in their place” and “For me, life has been a continuous process of learning, change and growth.” (You can see the quiet self-scale in the appendix.)
Researchers found that people with quiet self exhibit “inclusive identity” (they consider not only others, but not just themselves), “perspective view” (they see things from the perspective of others), “growth” (they think they can raise awareness) and “separate consciousness” (they are able to observe themselves at some distance, and I have mentioned “Metecuse” before, which is an opposition, which is an opposition. In less technical language, the quiet self involves the virtues of charity, humility, self-awareness, and hope.
In another collaboration, the same creative psychologist I'm very quiet It is found that on average, a quiet self brings happiness. It is related to better emotional balance, excellent life satisfaction, and greater meaning in life. These four virtues help those who have them get along, not overly serious, understand and manage their emotions, and see the path to a better future.
A quiet self also has a protective quality because it enables people to effectively deal with inevitable problems, even big problems in their lives. The researchers found that having a quiet self is associated with the ability to grow after a traumatic experience, which means positive psychological changes such as stronger relationships, appreciation of life and deeper spirituality. Research shows how this applies to mothers of unemployed people who raise children with disabilities or seek jobs.
Research shows that there is a positive correlation between quiet self and personality traits such as extroversion, consent, conscientiousness, and openness of experience. No research has shown that a given personality type is incompatible with the quiet self, possibly an exception to the Dark Triad, which has a high degree of narcissism, Machiavelliism and psychosis. But a quiet self may be easier for some people than others.
Ina world With loud ego and growing dissatisfaction, the counterculture strategy is to cultivate your quiet self. This first questions many traditional ideas, which tells you to prioritize others in search of “your truth” rather than this Truth, and see the future as grim, beyond your ability to do anything about it. Even if we put the research results on hold (I have covered more than once Atlanticlike everyone else), looking at statistics that show deterioration in mental health shows that traditional concepts are unwise to guide happiness.
So, create your plan to acquire the four constitutive virtues of the quiet self. One way I like to do this is through two questions and two affirmations. The first question is "What can others provide?" This allows me to do what I control for people who rely on me. Only I can be my family’s husband, father and grandfather – because I have defined these things, I focus on doing these jobs generously and kindly. Again, only I can teach my courses and write my columns right away, so I want to do all I can to perform these tasks. Others can follow the news and complain about the government as much as I can, so I try to make sure that it reduces my energy and attention.
The second question is “What can get better around me and how can I help achieve it?” This involves regular searches for my personal and professional environment for areas of improvement. Sometimes this means rethinking my schedule to make sure it doesn’t get in the way of my family life (which has always been a trend for me). This may mean creatively thinking about issues or topics that I can write or talk about, which may attract public attention. Or maybe it is the reason or activity that I should use my time or money to support charitable.
Then the first one I try to make every day is definitely “I might be wrong”. Actually, I yes Error, about a lot of things. I just don't know what they are. The only way to find out and be more correct is to keep a modest attitude that I might be wrong in any controversial field (almost all my specialized areas of behavioral science). So I have to be open to alternative perspectives and new data. You can see how this approach to quiet self helps: it makes me curious, not prickly, and attracts different opinions from me.
The second one is definitely "I'm not my emotions." It is a kind of fostering independent self-awareness, a space between my limbic system (my emotions emanate) and my prefrontal cortex (I make conscious decisions). My emotions are information about perceived threats and opportunities, not a guide to how I should evaluate my life or choose to act. I am not a sad person when I wake up and feel blue. I am a person who may have a poor sleep and needs to go to the gym to get things right. This gives I Control my feelings and vice versa.
one The idea of separation: Maybe I dismissed the Himalayan-the choice of clocks too quickly. A school of thought proposed the advantages it has No self fundamental. The basis of this idea is Anath In Buddhism: Realize that your personal self is the fantasy of the present. According to this philosophy, what you think is essential you In fact, it's just a faint and changing melody of a song of life and sings with all the other melodies.
A quiet self is a wonderful way to silently behave yourself. You don't need to go all out and yourself, but you can absolutely enjoy the peace, harmony and happiness that your quiet self will bring to you.