I have a huge crush on a writer

Editor's note: Is something making you uncomfortable, tormenting or bothering you? Are you plagued by existential worries? Every Tuesday, James Parker answers readers' questions. Tell him about your life or current problems [email protected].

Don't want to miss a column? Sign up Add Dear James to your inbox.

Dear James,

I have a literary obsession. Since first encountering this woman's work several years ago, I have read her sentences aloud to countless friends, acquaintances, and pets. At the end of every article, I can’t help but think: I want to meet this person. I wanted to pour a few glasses of wine, come up with some ideas, and follow the conversation.

Why can't I just enjoy her work and not leave her alone? I know the divide between art and artists may be growing wider. I also know that I may just be craving glory through association. Most importantly, though, I think my life would be so much richer if I knew the person behind these delightful and insightful words. And, dare I say, knowing me might enrich her life.

Have you ever found one of your heroes? If so, how's it going? If not, how do you deal with the overwhelming urge to get to know them personally?

Seriously,

Not a stalker

Dear readers,

Very interesting. Do you know many writers? Because if you do, you'll realize that the person on the page, so stylish and charming, is very different from the people in the world who are grumpy, brooding, selfish, and can't find their own socks, Shaking their fists at invisible editors at night, spending three days changing light bulbs, crying softly when they found out they were out of whiskey. I wouldn't say that a writer's writing is the best part of himself, but it is the most coherent; the writer's actual personality is more of an afterthought. It lay around in glowing clumps, like a by-product or scum sublimation of some violent industrial process. All of which is to say: yes, you will be disappointed.

But that's not the real question. The real question is what to do with this obsession, this “heartless urge” of yours. To quote my friend John: Sweat. Digest, metabolize, metamorphose, do push-ups, ride the train until it no longer fills your imagination. You are not a stalker yet. But I feel like you're stuck in a fantasy. I've been there. So don't chase or even hang around this writer. That's chaos. Don’t even send a chaste letter of admiration—you’ll be restless waiting for a reply. Let yourself be freed from her beautiful sentences. Read some other books, written by some other writers with strong voices and sparkling voices. Let her stay in her territory and then return to yours.

In solidarity,

james

By submitting a letter, you agree to allow atlantic monthly If used in part or in full, we may edit it for length and/or clarity.